Seeking Solace
by parisindy
Summary: Something Horrible has happened... again, again, again... total story revamped...now *** COMPLETE***
1. Chapter 1 it all starts falling a part

TITLE: Seeking Solace  
  
AUTHORS: parisindy  
  
RATING: don't know yet. probably R  
  
DISCLAIMER: No money was received or exchanged. We do not own Andromeda or any of its Characters. This is purely for fun.  
  
ARCHIVE: only Zion's Starfish can archive it but anyone else has to ask.  
  
SUMMARY: Parisindy wrote it with a lot of help from Harper Lover (she's a swell kid) so it's about Harper of course but everyone's in it.  
  
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"I stopped by a bar at 3 am to seek solace in a bottle and possible a friend and I woke up with a headache like my head against a board twice as cloudy as I'd been the night before when I went in seeking clarity;. The less I seek my source for some definitive the closer I am to fine. " - Emily Saliers. Closer to fine. The Indigo Girls. Old earth calendar approximately 1995.  
  
Seeking Solace  
  
Harper sat in the conduit. An open panel sat in front of him. He had crawled in here a few hours ago to fix something but damned if he could remember what it was. The days had been like that since. well since the funeral. Everything seemed hazy. The minutes, the hours the days, passed in a blink. Trance had been checking on him constantly. All he wanted was to be alone so he could think. But part of the problem was his brain had seemed to shut down. He was distracted easily and had trouble focusing on anything. He wasn't sad or afraid he simply existed he felt that he should feel something and found the emptiness both comforting and curious. He was drained like an empty sparky can. Sometimes he had to remind him self to breath. He sat looking at the open panel. 'Was I fixing something?'  
  
Voices filtered up from the nearby vent. Trance and Dylan were on the Obs deck he could see them from where he sat. His glance returned to the panel as he tried to concentrate. The voices were distracting.  
  
"How's he doing?" It was Dylan's voice he sounded tired. Harper shrugged. They all were.  
  
"Not good, he isn't eating or sleeping, he barely talks to anyone." Trance's voice sounded anxious. Harper wondered who they were talking about. He probably shouldn't listen but he didn't have the energy to leave and he did want to face them right now so he sat. Looking at the open panel. 'Was I fixing something?' he thought to himself.  
  
Dylan's voice again. "When did everything become so hard?" there was a slight pause and Harper could hear him pacing. "I miss them Trance. Beka's the only one really gone but everyone's spirit seems have to left with her.hell even Tyr. Rev's locked himself up to pray, Rommie is trying to fix everything, which is impossible but there is no convincing her of that, Harper's not really functioning at all."  
  
"I afraid it might get worse before it gets better." Trance sounded even older Harper noted.  
  
"We used to be a team .Trance. Is there something you know?"  
  
"No, not really.I don't know anything for sure."  
  
"Probabilities?" Questioned Dylan  
  
Trance paused uncertain if she should mention the thoughts that raced around her head. "There's a good chance Harper's going to do something really bad."  
  
Harper pulled his eyes from the panel and crawled towards the vent.  
  
"What?" Dylan's voice was shocked and shaky. Dylan had been a lot of things but Harper had never thought of him as being shaky before. "Like what?"  
  
Trance shrugged her shoulders. "I'm not sure, but it's awful, it could put our whole future at risk."  
  
Something started to crumble in Harper's chest and started to hurt.'No,No,No.No more!' screamed a voice in his head. He crawled his way out of the conduit as fast as he arms and legs would carry him. As fast as if a creature of the abyss snapped at heels. 'No,No,No.No more!' The mantra repeated in his head. He ran fast and unconsciously down Andromeda's long empty corridors. Bouncing off bulkheads hard enough to add more bruises to his collection. He finally stopped to catch his breath and for the first time he became aware of where he was.  
  
When he was afraid, when he wanted to feel comfort, when he needed to find Solace where did he always go? He always ran to the Maru. His feet had carried him to the empty loading bay unconsciously. He stood there dumbfounded. His mind once again took over and filled his soul with a blessed emptiness. He stood there for more then a few minutes when the thought occurred to him. "I need to leave." He whispered.  
  
"And where would you go little man?" Tyr's voice echoed through out the empty hanger. Harper jumped at the sound. He met the large Nietzschein's eyes they held a concern that he hadn't expected and maybe a touch of their own sadness.  
  
"Tyr I don't need this right now." Harper felt angered but the emptiness he felt didn't let it rise to the surface.  
  
"And what do you need? Do you even know?"  
  
"Space."  
  
"You can't run from this."  
  
Harper didn't bother to answer. Tyr tried again.  
  
"The ship says you haven't been eating. Do you hope to bring her back by killing your self?"  
  
"Holy freakin Kali melons!! Was can't everyone mind their own DAMN business!!!" Harper's voice was rising. In some sick way he thought Tyr was trying to goad him on. But feeling anger, hell, feeling anything at all was too painful and Harper's body started to shut down. The room started to spin.  
  
"Listen Tyr if you think by trying to make me throw a temper tantrum so everything will be all right!!! Well your wrong! Things will never be all right again! I know, I've done this too many times! Harper took a staggering step towards Tyr. It was beginning to be difficult telling up from down as vertigo set in. Tyr watched him impassively. Harper continued to rant. "Damn the Nietzschein's for everything! They continue to ruin my life'. He thought viciously, and then out loud, "Why can't you just leave me alone?" The last sentence was a near whisper. Harper stood there shaking for a moment more when his exhausted body and soul gave up the fight. With out a word Tyr caught him before he hit the ground.  
  
tbc 


	2. chapter 2 three days earlier

Three days earlier.  
  
  
  
"HARPER!!!!"  
  
"I'm coming Boss sheesh!"  
  
Harper turned the corner on a jog. Beka stood by the hanger bay doors tapping her foot with impatience. He was late. He was always late. He always meant to be on time, he had had every intention, but he was easily distracted. Especially lately, it seemed. Ever since he started corresponding with a petite human girl that lived on Sinti, she was one of Hohne's lab technicians. Her name was Anna. It was a plain name but she was something special.  
  
"Harper you're late again!" Beka scolded.  
  
"Yeah Beka sorry about that." He answered sheepishly  
  
Beka's frown turned into a smirk. "So how is she?"  
  
"Great!" he smiled. He could feel the heat rising in his cheeks.  
  
Beka put her hand on his shoulder directing him onto the Maru. "Can we go then?"  
  
Harper had been doing a lot of repairs on the old ship as of late and he had needed to practically rebuild the slipstream drive. Today was they day they had set aside to test the 'new and improved' drive. Both were eager to try it out even if it just meant a slight escape from their every day routines.  
  
Beka made herself comfortable in the pilot's chair, she had been feeling a little homesick for her old ship as of late and she was itching to spread her wings. She flipped on the engines and then the intercom so she could talk to Harper in engineering. She smiled as his spiky haired head popped up on screen. It seemed Harper was even glad to get back to their roots as he seemed to have found an old Sparky Cola from one of his multiple hiding spaces that he had all over the ship. He smiled at her. "Everything's ready Boss, anytime you are."  
  
"Gladly." Replied Beka happily as she pulled back on the yokes and the Maru flew out into open space.  
  
They flew for a moment putting some distance between them and the Andromeda when Beka announced they were about to enter into slipstream. Harper checked a few more gauges and the Eureka Maru began to hum. Beka once again pulled back on the yokes and with only a slight jerk they entered the slipstream portal. "Whoo Hoo!!" yelled Beka as the Maru dipped and weaved, responding to her slightest touch. "Harper!" she shouted into the intercom even though she didn't need to. "It's great! Better then ever. You are a genius!"  
  
Harper's voice laughed back at her. "Did you ever doubt it?"  
  
Beka and Harper spent the next couple of hours zooming in and out of slipstreams testing the new engine every way they could. Beka finally admitted to feeling some fatigue. Harper and her stood over a counsel mapping the quickest route back to the Andromeda when the unexpected happened.  
  
Actually, it started simpler then that it started with the Maru's avatar's voice. The Maru's voice crackled and hissed unintelligibly. Harper looked over to the main controls concerned. "That's weird, it's never done that before."  
  
He quickly pulled out some device out of his pocket that Beka didn't recognize, popped open a panel and pulled out some wires. Beka glanced over towards Harper but something caught her attention out of the corner of her eye. She looked up at the main view screen and gasped. She stood frozen unable to move. In front of the Maru floating silently, guns charged, were at least a dozen Drago Katsov fighters.  
  
Harper looked up when she gasped and quickly followed her gaze. "This is not good." He whispered.  
  
One of the ships hailed them.  
  
"Captain Valentine, I presume." A tall dark haired Nietzschein addressed her.  
  
Beka was nervous but nothing about her body language or voice gave her away. "What's it to you?"  
  
"My name is Ceasan and I am here to arrest you."  
  
"Like hell, what for, and who gives you the right to arrest anyone." Harper shifted nervously from foot to foot in front of her. She unconsciously put her hand on his shoulder to comfort him.  
  
"Not, like I have to qualify anything with a criminal but your charges are as follows. Trespassing in Drago Katsov, belonging to an terrorist organization and transporting other known felons." Ceasan indicated Harper.  
  
"Terrorist organization? Are you nuts? Have you Uber's sprained your genetically enhanced brains, we're not terrorists!"  
  
Ceasan regarded a flexi for a moment. "Actually there is quite an extensive list of terrorist type attacks that the crew of the Andromeda have inflicted on the Nietzschein race, including the theft of the remains of the great progenitor."  
  
Beka snorted her disgust and disbelief. "Your kind has done more horrific things then we ever have! Everything we have done."  
  
Ceasan lifted his hand interrupting.'It does not matter too me what you think, you are under arrest prepare to be boarded."  
  
Beka leapt forward cutting off the communication line between her and the Nietzschien vessels. She then leapt into the pilot's chair and initiated evasive maneuvers. It was all too little too late though. Explosions buffeted the Maru. Harper let out a small yelp as he was thrown violently against one of the Maru's safety railings. He sat down quickly holding his ribs and gasping for air.  
  
"Harper? Harper!" shouted Beka from the cockpit. Harper shook his head unable to get the air to respond. After what felt like an hour he managed to gasp out a small groan. He had felt his ribs give way when he had hit the railing. There were more explosions, smoke filled the Maru and Beka came running from the pilot's seat. She quickly slung his arm over her shoulder and lifted him to his feet directing him towards the back of the ship.  
  
"What's going on?" he gasped weakly. She didn't answer immediately and it frightened him. He looked up at her and met her eyes. A deep sorrow was reflected in her face. "Beka what is it?"  
  
"The Maru's done for Seamus."  
  
"What!! No Beka!"  
  
"Shhh it's okay, I have a plan but I need you to do what I say okay?"  
  
Harper shook his head in denial. "No way Beka this."  
  
She cut off his protests "Harper there is no time." She opened a hatch and shoved him into an escape pod and started to back away. The pain from his side was overwhelming and he nearly passed out. He closed his eyes for a second his breath coming out in a hiss. Suddenly he realized she hadn't followed him. "Beka what the hell are you doing!!" She quickly leaned in to the escape pod and placed a small kiss on his forehead and before he could react she was out again.  
  
"What I must," she replied. She slammed the pod door closed on the panicky Harper's face. And pushed the release valve. She saw his mouth the word." NO!" but she could no longer hear his voice. With only one look back she ran for the cockpit.  
  
Harper screamed and screamed but there was nothing he could do. He banged on the glass giving him a view of the Maru. He banged till his hands bled. He no longer could feel the pain of his body as the horror unfolded before him.  
  
Beka took the last bit of power the Maru had and she vented her fuel. It flooded the space around her and the Nietzschein ships and she opened fire.  
  
One of the biggest explosions Harper had ever seen erupted in front of him. The explosion worked its way out. First engulfing Ceasan's ship then the others and finally the Maru. The one explosion created others as each of the other ship's fuel ignited. Tears streamed down Harper's face. The explosion finally reached the escape pod but by then it had lost most of its ferociousness and only pushed the little pod, but it did so violently. Harper's head struck the glass, he had had his face pressed against it, and the darkness came quickly.  
  
He woke hours later on board the Andromeda. The entire crew's concerned face looked down at him. "It was a dream." His voice croaked out. Harper sat up; ignoring the pain of his newly healed ribs and looked towards Dylan pleading. "It was a dream, please let it be a dream." Tears ran down Trance's face but he ignored her as she sobbed quietly beside the medical bed. Dylan shook his head silently.  
  
Harper gasped he couldn't breath. The room spun has he gasped for air. He could feel his body turn cold. Rev stepped forward pulling Harper against his own furry body. "Deep breaths Master Harper, deep breaths," He whispered as Harper sobbed inconsolably against his shoulder.  
  
They had the funeral service the next day. It was short and very touching. They had no body to launch out into space so Trance had brought some lilies from hydroponics and they let them float out of the air lock. The crew stood silently watching them drift away. There were tears on everyone's face except Harper's. He stood there with a blank look on his face. Trance had been giving him sedatives to keep him calm but it was more then that.his heart was broken and he simply had nothing left to give. 


	3. chapter 3 back to the present

Back to the Present .  
  
Harper woke slowly. The light was a little too bright and he let his eyes drift shut for a moment more. He was exhausted but he also had the nagging feeling he should be awake. Reluctantly he opened his eyes. He saw Trance standing nearby working with a few chemicals and he watched her numbly. Her hair was getting longer now he noticed. As her blonde curls now reached her shoulders. He had liked it when she wore it different colours it reflected her personality better. Just like how even though Beka wore her hair blonde now he liked her best as a red head it suited her fiery personality.  
  
Fire.  
  
Harper's heart seemed to stop beating for a moment as he remembered. A small groan escaped his lips as he tried to continue breathing.  
  
Trance heard the groan and turned abruptly. She tried to put on a cheery smile and she did manage a small one but it never reached her eyes. "You're awake!"  
  
He didn't answer right away for some reason he couldn't think of anything appropriate to say. It was hard enough to meet her eyes.  
  
Trance stared back and then sighed. "You know you've been so quiet lately and you haven't been eating."  
  
"I hadn't noticed."  
  
A reply at last, Trance found this encouraging. Tyr had told her what happened, and with the premonition she had earlier she was extra worried. She needed to change things but she wasn't sure just how yet. But perhaps if she could get Harper talking the answer would reveal it's self. "Well we've all been worried." She paused for a moment but he didn't comment. "You do know it wasn't your fault?"  
  
"Listen Trance I got work to do can I go?" He needed to get away from her, She was being too nice, and he needed.hell he didn't even know, just away. He started to sit up.  
  
Her analyzing eyes knew just what he was trying to do and she wasn't about to let it happened.  
  
"Harper." She placed her hand on his chest pushing him back on the medical bed. "You need to rest."  
  
"Trance I've done nothing but rest!" his voice sounded angry and he hadn't meant it to.  
  
"Harper I don't think you've really had a decent sleep since."  
  
"Don't say it." He whispered and quickly looked away.  
  
"You need to deal with this, we're all hurting."  
  
He sat up quickly and the room wavered around him for a second, but he was angry and the dizziness didn't matter. "I never once asked for your help, I never once asked for your sympathy."  
  
"I know." Trance tried to console. This wasn't going as well as she had hoped. "It's just what friends do."  
  
"Really Trance? Then as a friend I have a favour to ask."  
  
Finally Trance thought . she could help. "Anything Harper what?" She smiled.  
  
"Leave me the hell alone!" With that he leapt of the medical bed and headed out the door.  
  
Trance couldn't hide the pain and it showed on her face.  
  
The Holo-Rommie popped into existence at her side. "Are you okay?"  
  
Trance nodded and tried hard not to let the tears start. She was sick of crying.  
  
"Harper's always been difficult, now he's hurt and angry, he just needs time."  
  
"That's the problem Rommie." Trance replied. "He can't have it. he needs to stay on the Andromeda everything depends on it."  
  
A few moments passed as both women weighed their options.  
  
A strange look crossed Rommie's face suddenly. "Oh no!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Harper's in the loading bay and he's on the swarm ship we acquired. He's taking off! I'm informing the captain!"  
  
Rommie disappeared suddenly from Trance's side. Dread filled Trance's mind and she wrapped her arms around her body to comfort her self. This wasn't going very well at all. 


	4. chapter 4 two months later

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Two months later  
  
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Trance and Tyr landed on a small trading planet. They were both exhausted and needed a break. A good meal seemed like the perfect refresher. The shuttle they had traded a slip fighter for was slow, ungainly and with out many amenities and as a result both Tyr and Trance needed to stretch their legs.  
  
The last two months had been really hard. They had lost two of their closest friends. The crew had been small to start with now with Beka and Harper gone they were feeling even more overwhelmed then before.  
  
They had searched for Harper for more then a month but in the end were forced to move on. They needed to deal with the world around them. They were running out of supplies. Rommie needed repairs done since they had had a run in with some rogue Dragans weeks earlier, the realities of life wouldn't allow them to wallow in the past. Dylan had sent them out on a supply run a week earlier and they were needed back as soon as possible. They were both exhausted but as much as they were needed elsewhere and quick break was necessary.  
  
Trance decided that she wanted to clean up a bit before joining Tyr for supper so Tyr headed off to a local drinking establishment, which looked like the only half decent place to eat in the quadrant and agreed to meet her there.  
  
He entered the pub and his nose wrinkled. The place stunk of alcohol, strange foods and unwashed clientele. The room was poorly lit and a strange haze seemed to fill the air. Tyr shrugged his shoulders and walked in heading to the bar. The barkeep walked over to him obviously a bit intimidated but doing his best not to show it. "What'll ya have?" His voice cracked and his fake smile showed a missing tooth.  
  
"Do you have bourbon?"  
  
"Who drinks that crap! Yeah, I got some but it's in the back. "  
  
"Spare me the commentary then and do your job." Even the great Nietzschien was tired his patience was wearing thin.  
  
The barkeep grumbled and wandered off to get the drink.  
  
Tyr leaned back on the bar once again surveying the room. Maybe he should go back to the cargo shuttle. This wasn't a safe place for Trance it was seedier then he had expected. Mind you the purple girl had proven herself very resourceful in the past.  
  
Tyr's thoughts were broken as the barkeep returned with his drink. "You know you're not the only one I've had this week asking for strange drinks. There was this little guy, who asked for something called a Sparky, hell I don't even now what that is but I ended up selling him some earth beer. it's been a strange week." the bartender prattled on but Tyr ignored him focusing on the words he just said.  
  
Suddenly Tyr reached over the bar and grabbed the front of the strange man's shirt pulling him half way over the bar. "Tell me now! Where is this man?"  
  
The man squeaked with fear and fumbled for words, "I, I'm not sure. he's been coming in here every night this week usually sits in the back maybe one of the waitress' have seen him."  
  
Tyr let go of the man's shirt and he dropped to the ground behind the bar. Tyr turned and let his eyes quickly roam around the room. He must have been more tired then he thought, for in the far back corner sat a man, alone, dressed in black with his head lying on the table by his drink. How did he miss him?  
  
Tyr quickly made his way over to the table and looked down at the pathetic sight. Harper lay with his left cheek down, eyes closed on the sticky table. His face was flushed and he smelled of pharmaceuticals. He was either sick again or taking drugs or both, he was certainly drunk. To Tyr's eyes he had never looked worse. "Boy." Tyr poked at Harper's shoulder. Harper didn't move so he tried again. "Harper, you self centered little man wake up!"  
  
Suddenly Harper was up. He woke with a jump literally as he leapt on to the table his gauss gun out before he was even really aware. The gun was focused on Tyr's chest but it wavered slightly as Harper tried to focus with blurry eyes. The room around them fell silent.  
  
"Tyr?" he questioned unsteadily.  
  
"Yes, we've finally found you." Tyr's eyes were drawn to the gun again. "Are you well?"  
  
Harper laughed. It was the laugh of someone who was falling apart. "Do I look okay? I left for a reason. I-I never wanted to see you guys again!" he stumbled over his words but he grew more confident with each one. " Now leave before you leave in pieces!"  
  
"Really child so much Drama."  
  
The barkeep had some how managed to find some bravery and made his way over to the two men. "Excuse me we don't want any trouble."  
  
Harper turned flashing his gun on the bartender. "Shut Up!" he screamed but his loss of focus was an opening for Tyr and he leapt at Harper.  
  
The sound of the gauss firing filled the room.  
  
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ tbc 


	5. chapter 5 right now and back again

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Harper looked down at his shirt and pants with shock. They were covered with blood. He stumbled back as Tyr fell forward collapsing against Harper's legs and since his legs were unsteady from the alcohol and other substances he fell on the tabletop.  
  
"TYR! Gawd! I didn't mean to. I." His voice was panicky.  
  
Tyr straightened up slowly with one arm clutched across his stomach. Blood dripped from between his fingers.  
  
"Tyr? Are you okay?" Harper's voice came out in stuttered gasps. Tyr's only reply was a low primal growl. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to!!! Are you Okay? Speak to me big guy!"  
  
Harper met Tyr's eyes and suddenly saw the fury there. "Oh no." He whispered, just before Tyr struck a backhanded blow across his face.  
  
Harper's body spun with the force of the strike and his face met the floor quickly.  
  
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Harper woke with a gasp. He was on his feet before he was fully awake. An instinctive reaction he could thank his years on earth for. He let out a groan and felt his face. His left eye was swollen shut and he could his jaw was swollen. His body shook from shock and from withdrawal. He had been pumping so many substances into his body lately he had lost track of what exactly he had taken.  
  
Once again the unwanted memories came flooding back.  
  
"Oh Gawd TYR!" He glanced around quickly he was in a dark back alley; it must have been raining as the ground beneath his feet was wet. He realized with a gasp that the liquid wasn't water as he saw his friend lying in a heap against a wall nearby. The bartender must have thrown them out on the street like they were trash.  
  
Harper rushed to Tyr's side. The big Nietzschein deserved better. "Tyr wake up come on you can't be dead. a little mudfoot like me couldn't kill a big Uber like you. Come on!" Even the small gibe did move the Nietzschein. He leaned forward resting his chin on Tyr's cold shoulder. "Tyr.when did things go so wrong?" A tear rolled down his swollen cheek. He felt so completely helpless and alone.  
  
There was a small noise behind him. It was so small it could have been a mouse. Harper reached for his gauss gun but it was gone. He swung around fists up and did his best to look ferocious.  
  
He was nearly face to face with Trance.  
  
"Trance!" he sobbed with relief "It's Tyr you've got to help him!"  
  
"I'll help you both" she whispered and she pulled a small multi coloured box from her gray fuzzy purse. Her eyes looked sad.  
  
"What's that?" Harper asked but she didn't answer  
  
Trance pushed a small button on the top of the box.  
  
A purple haze filled the alley. Harper's eyes began to water and he sneezed three times. When he looked up again he was back on the Swarm ship. "Weird!" He whispered. A sudden exhaustion over came him and he couldn't keep his eyes open. It took all his energy just to crawl over to a bunk. Which he quickly collapsed on.  
  
Seamus Zelazny Harper slept. 


	6. chapter 6

Harper gasped and bolted upward in his bed on the swarm ship.  
  
'Whew!' Two weird dreams! Or was it just one?  
  
He glanced around for a second confused as to where he was. Then his memories flooded back to him in a horrible wave. "Beka..." he groaned. The thoughts that filled his head nauseated him and he held his stomach in a desperate attempt to keep its contents inside.  
  
"Okay... that's it! No more drinking before bed!" he had dreamt that he had killed Tyr. Then he had dreamt that he was in the bar and someone like Tyr was there but it couldn't have been him because, he acted strangely. He had vague recollections of running away. It was all a blur.  
  
"Whew! Nasty!" He said once again to himself.  
  
He slowly and stiffly shifted himself out of the bunk. These bunks weren't made for humans. He started to gaze around the ship. No wonder he was having nightmare! His eyes flitted across the hooks on the wall. He swallowed twice trying not to think what kind of prey might have once hung from them.  
  
"Maybe it's that I didn't drink enough." He sighed.  
  
"You've had more then enough to drink Seamus Harper." Said Trance disgusted.  
  
"Mind your own business Trance." Then his fuzzy neurons started to function again. "TRANCE!" He shouted excitedly. "What are you doing here?" and then he remembered she had been in his dream. had it really been a dream?  
  
"Trying to bring you home."  
  
All the happiness drained from his face. "Trance, I don't have a home anymore." Trance reached for his hand with concern but he shook her off and walked towards a small fridge that he had installed and pulled out a beer. He also stuck his hands in his pockets in search of some small blue pills. When he found them he had intended to wash them down with the beer but before he could even try Trance swiped them out of his hand.  
  
"Trance!" Harper swore.  
  
"Listen to me Seamus Zelazny Harper!" She was in his face and angry. "We need you and you are going to get this right and in order for you to fix things I need you to be clear headed and sober."  
  
Harper backed up but Trance didn't back down. He swallowed a couple of times. When did Trance become so assertive? She stared at him and after a moment he cast his eyes down, defeated for now.  
  
"What are you talking about Trance? Do what? Fix what?"  
  
Trance sighed and looked around the filthy ship. Harper was not the best housekeeper. She pushed some garbage on to the floor and sat on one of the bunks. "I tried to help but I might have made it worst." She said with a sad pout on her face. "I was never very good at this sort of thing."  
  
All right Harper had to admit he was completely confused. He threw his hands in the air and started to pace around the ship. "Trance what the hell are you talking about?" He felt jittery and wanted to get his blue pills back. They would help he be calm. Then he wouldn't have to think about fire and people dying.  
  
"Something really bad happened to Beka."  
  
Harper stopped pacing and turned on Trance with fire in his eyes. "I know what happened I was there!"  
  
Trance continued calmly "Then you left and well, probabilities changed.but Tyr and I found you so I thought luck had changed but then you killed Tyr."  
  
Harper paused and sat down abruptly on the floor. "That wasn't a dream?"  
  
Trance shook her multicoloured head.  
  
He sat there for a moment completely stunned. Trance watched him with a concerned look but before she could say another word he leapt up and ran to the waste receptor. Trance handed him a rag she found to wipe his mouth when he was done.  
  
He sat back down on the floor weakly and she sat beside him.  
  
"You said I can fix this?" he whispered.  
  
"Well I think so, like I said I was never very good at this."  
  
"What do I have to do?"  
  
"This ship is stuck in time. When ever you leave you start a loop."  
  
"Wh- whaat?" His voice was more then a little shaky. Trance didn't want to tell him anything but it was the only way to fix the past.  
  
"When you entered this ship on the Andromeda that's the point where things started to go wrong. I have put you in a loop so you can fix it."  
  
"You mean a time loop, like déjà vu?"  
  
"Sort of and when you live the one that you should have, for the perfect possible future, everything will go back to normal. If you make a mistake you come back here."  
  
Harper sighed trying to rub away the headache he had suddenly. "Trance how did you do this?"  
  
"I just did."  
  
Suddenly his eyes brightened. "Can I Save Beka???"  
  
Trance shook her head slowly. "No that was before you got on the swarm ship, we couldn't change that."  
  
Harper stood up once again enraged. "Well screw this then! There is no perfect future with out her!" And he ran from the ship.  
  
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	7. chapter 7

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Harper was on the Andromeda. He stood just out side the swarm ship on the hanger deck, his mouth hung open in shock. He shook his head trying to gather his senses. How did he get back here? He numbly walked out in to the hallway his brain had quit working but his feet knew where to go and they took him to machine shop two. He was almost there when Tyr came jogging around the corner nearly bowling him over.  
  
"TYR!" shrieked Harper finally gathering his senses. "You're alive!" Harper grabbed the larger man in a bear hug.  
  
Tyr shook him off. "Of course I'm alive have you lost your senses permanently?"  
  
Harper couldn't remove the grin from his face. "But if your alive maybe she's wrong maybe." Harper jumped past Tyr and down the hall. "Thanks big guy." He shouted over his shoulder.  
  
Tyr watched him go, shook his head once, and continued his jog in the opposite direction.  
  
Harper's heart pounded in his chest. "Beka, Beka, Beka." The name beat a rhythm in his head that matched that of his heart. He ran to her quarters and the doors opened allowing him entrance and he burst through the entrance.  
  
He didn't think it was possible but his heart broke a second time.  
  
His legs gave out beneath him and he slipped to the floor. He room was empty except for a few sweaters Rommie had left folded on the empty bed. There were also a couple of boxes in the closet marked with Beka's name. There were no sheets on the bed. No hangers in the closet. Beka's Cd's weren't in their stand. The room was empty and she was gone. It was almost like she never existed at all. Her life narrowed down to a couple of boxes.  
  
Rommie entered the room behind him. "Harper?" she asked surprised. "I - I was just cleaning up. if you want I can come back."  
  
"No it's okay." But the words sounded strained even to him as his throat threatened to clench shut. Rommie went towards the bed placing her hand on his shoulder briefly as she went by. She started to place the sweaters in a box she had brought with her.  
  
"Harper? I'm not very good at this but if you wanted anything of hers I'm sure she would want you to have it."  
  
He looked at her blankly. Rommie watched him for a moment then went back to her work in silence.  
  
Time must have passed Rommie finished her work and after awhile the lights dimmed. He slowly stood has back and legs aching from sitting in one spot so long. He stretched a little and went back towards machine shop two. Once there he opened his tiny fridge and started to drink.  
  
Many drinks later Rommie wandered into machine shop two to check on him. The lights were low and he barley raised his eyes when she called his name.  
  
"Harper." He did not reply so she crouched by his side. His gauss gun lay in his lap she eyed it suspiciously. "Harper what are you thinking?"  
  
He simply shrugged his shoulders. A silent Harper was never a good sign.  
  
She reached forward trying to gently pull the gun from his lap but he placed his hand on hers stopping her. "No, I need it."  
  
"For what we're not under attack, there is nothing here to defend yourself from."  
  
He gave a small laugh but she did not understand the joke. She was worried about him he had tried to kill himself in the past and he had a more determined look on his face then she had ever seen before.  
  
Both their hands stayed on the gauss gun. "Harper give me the gun."  
  
"No."  
  
"Harper."  
  
"NO! I made you. You think that would give me some type of freakin authority!" Rommie looked hurt and he instantly felt sorry. "I'm sorry." He whispered.  
  
Rommie took her hand from the gun. "It's been hard on all of us you know. We all miss her."  
  
"I'm just tired Rommie can you give me some time alone."  
  
"I think you've been alone to much. Everyone's afraid to talk about it especially to you. You - you can't departmentalize."  
  
Harper gave a small smile. I used to. sometimes. It's just all my compartments got full. I need to empty them out." He raised the gun to his head.  
  
"Oh my gawd Harper no." yelled Rommie in surprise and she grabbed for the gun. They struggled for a moment but in the end Rommie's mechanical arms were stronger. She started to pull the gun away but Harper was desperate and hung on.maybe a little to tight. The weapon charged and fired.  
  
Rommie's body flew across the room. "Rommie!" Harper's voice cried in anguish. He fell to his knees praying to who would ever listen. "Please no, no, no, no. This isn't happening." He closed his eyes unable to face what was in front of him.  
  
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"NO!" He sat up quickly with a gasp.  
  
"Welcome back." Smiled Trance  
  
"Oh no." he ran his hand down over his face in frustration. He was back on the swarm ship  
  
TBC 


	8. chapter 8

Trance took a closer look at her friend and saw that he was white and shaking. "What happened?" Trance whispered knowing that once again something had gone horribly wrong. "Rom." He couldn't get the words out. "Rommie. there was an explosion." Trance rushed to her friend's side wrapping her arms around him trying to comfort him. He sobbed against her shoulder. "Trance I can't do this" "I shouldn't have done this." She whispered guiltily "I just didn't know what else to do." "Make it stop please." "I-I can't only you can. you have to make it stop your self." He pulled away from her his eyes rimmed with red. "How." "You have to do the right thing." "But I don't know what that is." Trance reached out and placed her hand over his heart. "Yes you do." Harper shook his head and swung his feet of the bed. "No Trance, I don't. you don't understand. There is no perfect possible future with out Beka. She saved me from earth. Because of her I had a future, one beyond slavery, Nietzscheans and a slow death from starvation. If she's gone . I mean since." he got up and started pacing and looking in drawer's frantically. "Harper?" Trance called concerned but he didn't reply. After a few moments he found them. Five little blue pills in a clear plastic bag. "No! Don't!" Trance shouted but it was to late he had already swallowed them. Slowly his knees buckled and he sat heavily on the floor. Trance sat in front of him. "Poor Harper what are you doing to your self? You've become so lost."  
  
He didn't reply but only stared back at her with glassy eyes. Slowly he tried to lie down but Trance would allow it. Instead she got him on his feet and walking.  
  
"Trance." he whined. "I'm tired."  
  
"What did you take?"  
  
"Umm." his voice was slurred and he had trouble focusing. "Blue pills. They help."  
  
"Harper what kind of blue pills, what do they do?" She looked at him but he was trying to sit down and she pulled him up again.  
  
"Whoa dizzy."  
  
"Harper, what do they do?" she asked sharply  
  
"They help me sleep. help me forget. I usually only take one though sometimes two. can you get me a beer?"  
  
She studied him and kept him walking. She worried that he had taken too many. Since she didn't know what they were exactly it was hard to tell. Her med. kit was back on the Maru so she had nothing really to offer him that way either. His skin seemed to be covered in a light sweaty sheen and he his breath came in short shallow gulps. "The last thing you need right now Seamus Harper is more pollutants." She was worried even though her voice didn't show it. Harper wasn't dealing with anything well. She couldn't take him off the ship because he would just disappear into another time loop. 'Wait a minute!' she thought maybe that was exactly what she needed to do!  
  
"Harper I need you to concentrate."  
  
"Wuzz?"  
  
"Remember." she paused . damn he said the pills helped him forget. "Harper do you remember Tyr?"  
  
"Who?"  
  
"A very big Nietzschien."  
  
"I hate Nietzschien's" then he looked confused. "Don't I?"  
  
"Not this one. do you remember he carried you to medical when you were sick."  
  
"Tyr? Something happened."  
  
Trance started walking him towards the door.  
  
"Yes, but its okay. just think of Tyr."  
  
"Tyr." He whispered as she gave him a little push out the door.  
  
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Harper blinked twice trying to focus his eyes he was back on the Andromeda. He leaned heavily against the bulkhead for support. He couldn't remember why it was strange to be here he just knew that something was wrong.  
  
"I need to leave." He whispered. "And where would you go little man?" Tyr's voice echoed through out the empty hanger. Harper jumped at the sound. He met the large Nietzschien's eyes they held a concern that he hadn't expected and maybe a touch of their own sadness.  
  
Despite the blue pills these seemed familiar some how to Harper. "Tyr I don't need this right now." Harper felt angered but the emptiness he felt didn't let it rise to the surface. "And what do you need? Do you even know?" "Look I don't feel good okay? I'm tired. Just leave me alone" "You can't run from this." Harper didn't bother to answer. Tyr tried again. "The ship says you haven't been eating. Do you hope to bring her back by killing your self?" Harper's body started to shut down. The room started to spin. "Listen Tyr if you think by trying to make me throw a temper tantrum so everything will be all right!!! Well your wrong! Things will never be all right again! I know, I've done this too many times!" Harper took a staggering step towards Tyr. It was beginning to be difficult telling up from down as vertigo set in. Tyr watched him impassively. Harper continued to rant. "Damn the Nietzschien's for everything! They continue to ruin my life'. He thought viciously, and then out loud, "Why can't you just leave me alone?" The last sentence was a near whisper. Harper stood there shaking for a moment more when his exhausted body gave up the fight. With out a word Tyr caught him before he hit the ground.  
  
Tyr cradled the boy in his arms and carried him to sick bay. Where Trance stood waiting almost expectantly.  
  
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TBC 


	9. chapter 9

Thanks to all those who reviewed your kind words are my inspiration!  
  
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"Is he okay? What happened?" questioned Trance  
  
Tyr shrugged his shoulders uncommitted as he placed the boy on the medical bed. "I'm not sure. I believe it's the past few days catching up with him."  
  
Trance nodded. "It's okay I'll take care of him."  
  
Trance took a sample of his blood and was surprised to see the high content on narcotics. "Harper," she spoke out loud despite the fact that he probably heard nothing. "What are you doing to your self? There are still people who care about you." She sighed and looked at her sleeping friend then she turned her back on him to analyze his blood some more in the microscope.  
  
Harper woke slowly. The light was a little too bright and he let his eyes drift shut for a moment more. He was exhausted but he also had the nagging feeling he should be awake. Reluctantly he opened his eyes. He saw Trance standing nearby working with a few chemicals and he watched her numbly. Her hair was getting longer now he noticed. As her blonde curls now reached her shoulders. He had liked it when she wore it different colours it reflected her personality better. Just like how even though Beka wore her hair blonde now he liked her best as a red head it suited her fiery personality. Fire. Harper's heart seemed to stop beating for a moment as he remembered. A small groan escaped his lips as he tried to continue breathing. Trance heard the groan and turned abruptly. She tried to put on a cheery smile and she did manage a small one but it never reached her eyes. "You're awake!" He didn't answer right away for some reason he couldn't think of anything appropriate to say. It was hard enough to meet her eyes. Trance stared back and then sighed. "You know you've been so quiet lately and you haven't been eating." "I hadn't noticed." A reply at last, Trance found this encouraging. Tyr had told her what happened, and with the premonition she had earlier she was extra worried. She needed to change things but she wasn't sure just how yet. But perhaps if she could get Harper talking the answer would reveal it's self. "Well we've all been worried." She paused for a moment but he didn't comment. "Taking drugs won't help bring Beka back. It's not your fault she died you know." "Listen Trance I got work to do can I go?" He needed to get away from her, She was being too nice, and he needed.hell he didn't even know, just away. He started to sit up. The room spun around him  
  
Her analyzing eyes knew just what he was trying to do and she wasn't about to let it happened. "Harper." She placed her hand on his chest pushing him back down on the medical bed. "You need to rest." He sat up quickly again and the room wavered around him for a second, but he was angry and the dizziness didn't matter. "I never once asked for your help, I never once asked for your sympathy."  
  
"I know." Trance tried to console. This wasn't going as well as she had hoped. "It's just what friends do."  
  
He gave up for a moment and laid back down on the bed trying to collect his thoughts. Trance scurried around the room and tried to gather medicines to help him. Harper found it hard to think, he tried to remember what happened but he couldn't quite grasp his memories. He had to do the right thing but he wasn't sure why or what that was exactly.  
  
After a moment Trance appeared again with a hypo spray. She injected him with some purple substance. After a moment his thoughts began to clear but his hands began to shake.  
  
"Tr - Trance?" He called weakly. "What's going on?"  
  
"I gave you something to purge the drug from you system. How long have you been taking this drug?"  
  
He was going to say since he left Andromeda but she might think that he had truly finally lost all his senses. "Since Beka." his voice trailed off and he swallowed hard.  
  
"I think your shaking because your body had become addicted to the drug. The next little while won't be pleasant but don't worry I'll be here."  
  
Harper closed his eyes he was starting to get a migraine. "Trance what's the right thing for me to do . I feel so lost."  
  
Sympathy almost brought tears to Trance's eyes. "We all need to figure that out for our selves."  
  
A sob caught in his throat. "But I miss her."  
  
Trance laid a cool damp cloth on his forehead and quickly wiped a tear from her own eye. "I miss her to. do you want to know what I really think?"  
  
He nodded, as he no longer trusted his voice not to shake.  
  
"I think the thing we need to do the most right now is stick together. I need a friend someone I can talk to when I feel sad and whether you believe it or not you do to. We need each other."  
  
"I - I - I heard you talking to Dylan a-a-about the really bad thing I would do. I think I know what it is."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I-I-I think it was giving up on you guys, n-n-not having faith." He was now fighting to stay awake he felt so drowsy. "Trance? P-promise me you'll be here w-w-when I wake up."  
  
"I won't leave your side."  
  
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Many hours later when he woke he was surprised to find him self still on the Andromeda. He sat up slowly and looked around. Trance was sleeping in a chair near by. He slowly crawled out of bed and padded over in his bare feet to the nearest port window. He stood there for more then a few moments looking at the stars.  
  
"You were the first to show me the stars." He whispered. "I lived a life I thought I would never escape from. You took me away and gave me a home. I miss you so much. You were my guiding light. My super hero.my solace. I don't want to go on with out you. In fact I'm not sure I can. But it's the right thing to do. I need to live because they need me here still. Will you forgive me?"  
  
He paused but was only greeted by the silent hum of the ship.  
  
"You were the best friend I ever had and I loved you Boss. Good bye."  
  
He watched the stars for a few moments more and crawled back into bed and slept a dreamless sleep  
  
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The Andromeda shuddered. Harper and Trance both woke instantly.  
  
Andromeda made a ship wide announcement. "All hands to command we are under attack."  
  
Trance and Harper ran for the bridge. Harper barley made it, as he still wasn't up to full strength. Dylan smiled when he saw them enter he seemed to gain strength by there presence as the Captain himself took helm. Tyr arrived seconds later followed by Rev Bem. Andromeda and Rommie had both already been on the bridge.  
  
"Ten more Drago Katsov fighters of the port bow." She informed then calmly as the ship shook under another barrage of weapons fire. "Shields down to seventy percent."  
  
Tyr ran to his weapons station and fired retaliatory missiles.  
  
"Get those Uber bastards." Whispered Harper.  
  
"Captain." Called out Rev Bem there is a ship very heavily damaged asking for help. it wants to dock with us."  
  
"'It could be a trick." Cautioned Tyr.  
  
"Let then dock but Tyr, I want you and Harper down there to meet our guests and don't forget your battle gear." Tyr nodded and grabbed Harper by the shoulder and directed him towards the door.  
  
Soon Tyr and Harper stood outside the airlock in full battle armor. Harper was having a bit of trouble with his, as it was a bit too big. Undaunted he drew his weapon and aimed it towards the docking ship. He noticed there was writing on the side of the ship. It was called the "Solace Maru."  
  
Harper lowered his gauss rifle confused. "Tyr?"  
  
But even the great Nietzschean was dumbfounded by what he saw next.  
  
One lone creature exited the ship and removed its helmet as it walked towards them.  
  
"BEKA!!" screamed Harper and he leapt into her waiting arms the helmet falling forgotten to the floor.  
  
"Are you okay sport I was so worried!" she managed to gasp. Both crewmates had tears streaming down their faces.  
  
"Ah gawd Beka! I thought you were dead! What happened?" He refused to let go of her.  
  
Dylan's voice came on over the intercom. "Tyr, Harper report what's your status?"  
  
"Beka Valentine has returned from the dead." Tyr whispered in awe.  
  
Shouts of joy were heard over the intercom from the bridge. The smile on Tyr's face grew bigger and bigger.  
  
Beka finally managed to break off the hug from Harper. Who reluctantly obliged but he stood by her side and ever so often he would touch her arm to check to see if she was real.  
  
Beka walked over towards the stunned Nietzschean and she punched him on the shoulder playfully. "So are we going to turn these Drago Katsov's to dust or what?"  
  
An hour later the fleet had been nearly destroyed and the survivors were sent fleeing to fight another day.  
  
The Crew of the Andromeda had gathered around the helm. Tears and hugs were the order of the day as Beka recounted her story.  
  
She had stayed on the Eureka Maru as long as possible trying to save her beloved ship but quickly realized it was impossible. The moment she was sure Harper's escape pod was safely away she had ignited the fuel and ran for an escape pod of her own. She had barley made it. She had been unconscious for hours till she was rescued by another cargo ship but its communication beacons were down. By the time they were able to get to a nearby planet the Andromeda was gone. She talked to her Uncle Sid and scraped together all the money she could manage and bought the 'Solace." Later renamed the 'Solace Maru." From their in her own ship she was able to track then down but just as she was about to make contact she came under fire from the Drago's and Andromeda came to her rescue.  
  
This new ship was nothing like her beloved Eureka Maru but she was starting to have a real fondness for it.  
  
"It's an unbelievable story Beka and I am so glad your back!" A smile lit up Dylan's face.  
  
"It's good to be home."  
  
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Hours later after everyone had retired to their beds Harper sat on the observation deck watching the stars.  
  
Beka wandered in her nightclothes and sat beside him. He smiled at her his eyes twinkling.  
  
"You can't sleep either?" she asked.  
  
Harper shook his head. "I'm to afraid to fall asleep. I don't want to wake up and find out this was all a dream."  
  
"I'm real." She laughed putting her arm around his shoulders.  
  
He leaned his head against hers. "Well, sometimes it's hard to tell."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Nothing. so you named it after the old Maru, huh? She looked like a good ship."  
  
She smiled through out it all Harper was still Harper and ships were his life. "It's not the Maru but when I was on the planet trying to find a transport I saw her and the name 'Solace.' I couldn't help but think that's what I needed. As much I was looking for the Andromeda I was seeking solace."  
  
"Did you find it?"  
  
"I'm looking at it."  
  
Harper smiled as he met her eyes.  
  
The two friends sat and watched the stars go by well into the early morning hours. Content just to know that in that moment all they needed was each other.  
  
Trance peeked around the corner and watched the two friends for a moment. She smiled satisfied that everything would be all right after all and retreated to her own bed. When she left a small cloud of purple haze hung in the air where she had stood. Harper and Beka never noticed it and it slowly dissipated into nothing.  
  
The end. 


End file.
